Wednesday, April 3, 2013

Day 34 You people are so lucky that I am knocked up with endless and aimless time on my hands...

For you...I am endlessly searching my soul, contemplating my navel and uncovering the mysteries of the universe... I hope you appreciate it, cause I have some GOLDEN awesomeness to share with you today.
First off lets talk about personal power, because I think I might have actually retrieved mine from whence is was abandoned.

How do we give it up to begin with, and why would someone else want it, and what are the signs that yours is being abducted from you, or vice verse?

Aside from relationship, which is a very obvious place to give up your power; due the all the emotional attachment we have, need to please, be loved etc... we (less obviously) give up our power in the day to day function of (and therefor miss out on some of the best manifestations of) our lives.

Giving up your power looks like this: I fucking hate my job, but I am so attached to my need for security and safety that ever day I get up with this sick feeling in my stomach; and drag my sorry ass to work. I have so little power in my life, that any chance I get to "beg borrow or steal" someone else's through control, nit-picking, micro-management, belittling, judgment or criticism of others to make myself feel good, or superior or righteous... I take it. I am fearful in my life and therefor, I try to micro-manage anything outside of myself that I can in order to feel some control over mine.

Here is what taking back your power looks like: I fucking hate my job, so I am going take a moment to really analyse this, instead of blaming and complaining...I am going to spend 30 min every morning and every night, writing, meditating, asking, contemplating and pondering things that feel good to me, without judgement... and what my life might feel like and look like, if I loved my work in the world. (all of the sudden, useless time spent nit picking about someone else, and trying to steal their power, now has 60 less minutes a day of your attention... ) and once I start to receive some clarity from the Vortex, or Creator, or God as to how I can find more passion in my life and my work, (which you will, because you are doing step one so beautifully which is asking ) I am going to turn every last bit of my attention to that. All of the sudden, you are so busy feathering your own nest and feeling good about it, that you haven't got the time, to nit pick or criticize or steal power from another... yours is so much more fulfilling than the 30 seconds of satisfaction you get from making someone else wrong.

Let's talk about relationship:

People talk about "standing in your truth" or "taking back your power" in relationships and it's so ambiguous, until you have that ah-ha moment yourself... we think we are fighting over money, or laundry or whatever else allows you to focus on everything your partner is doing wrong, that you are so justified in hanging your hat on, and making it the cause of all of your woe instead of on what you might want to be doing instead of that, to make you feel good.

Usually your truth, or, what makes you feel good, comes after a long bout of not standing in your truth, as we have discovered through our many chats about contrast and how it is serving you always in your expansion process, so be grateful and appreciative of the long bouts of self abandonment that ultimately lead you back to rediscovering some new desired version of self... I digress..

Let's use me and my relationship as an example (as if I wouldn't )
Darren and I fell in love, because we had many of the same things things vibrating in our vortex. We both wanted closeness and intimacy, which he found deeply in one another. We wanted a family life, and to have a partner to have fun, and play with, which we enjoyed so much in each other. We wanted to co-create and be entrepreneurial together and enjoy life, and it's abundance.

[Enter: fear stage left ]We had also both been hurt in the past and experienced relationships with a lot of personal power theft. I, having been on my own for quite some time had established my own personal methods of working my manifesting and spending time in solitude in order to maintain my personal power, but I was still new at this...

Darren was also very powerful at manifesting, and his asking had put me square in his vortex as the answer to all his dreams too... unfortunately he was just out of a marriage that had completely depleted his power, so there were holes in the grids so to speak and we were both going to fall right into them.

 I suspect the marriage was not the first relationship that robbed him of his power, (mother-control freak Catholic guilt monger..nothing against Catholics, just against the misuse of the practice of it) he became quite adept at survival tactics...needless to say there was quite a bit of energetic power struggles taking place, as our lives became more and more entwined and the fears and insecurities began to rise to the surface. It really began to unravel all the beautiful things that were matching in our vibrations and put unwanted focus a past that needed releasing.

Enter Epiphany... I can only unstick myself from this glue, and hope that he gets it...and by "unstick" I mean, I have to take responsibility for what it is I and how I want to feel and my life to flow and "stand in my truth" of it (so ambiguous I know, it's just words until you feel what that means) It's scary to take that step, to step into your truth once you acknowledge what it is, because you cannot go back. I understand now, the kind of empowered freedom I want to feel; in a relationship with anyone or anything I interact with, and by that I mean ensuring that my cork is afloat first and foremost.

The epiphany came as I was anticipating some of the "old pattern" thinking I know I will encounter when I finally sit down with Darren and attempt to negotiate our lives. One of his favorite insinuations, and I call them that, because they are not truths, but defensive tactics to "take your power" is this: ... "well, I guess we want different things" which means "you aren't doing and saying and being exactly the way I want you to right now, and I am going to threaten you with abandonment" and I knew I would have to have a good response to this... because it just isn't true... all the awesome things vibrating in our vortexes that are a match are still there... the only difference is that I don't want to be giving up my power in order to share those things with him. Darren is very attached to, well, everything 3D. 

With that, I realized that he has so busy trying to control the hows and the outcomes of everything and I was so busy trying to just allow the creative process to reveal itself in miraculous ways, I found myself defending my whole way of being on an ongoing basis. I had to do things his way.  He has been so dis-empowered emotionally, that he wants to know how everything is going to work and whats in it for him. If he can't see the value, or whatever his perceptions of value is, it is a threat. I am a sweet karmic lesson (or curse) for him, because nothing about me or my process is predictable.

What's so awesomesauce about this, is that I am blessed right now with the awareness that all of the frustrating delays, and other "out of my control" circumstances are actually the intricate workings of God, Source, or the Creator in endless support of my well being... My rendezvous with Darren has been delayed and delayed and I now know why. It was and is for the sole purpose of allowing me the time I needed to take back my personal power by getting the clarity I needed to "stand in my truth" and be the representation of the love and relationship I want to manifest in my life. I am sure there is some time that he has needed as well, and hopefully it will manifest itself with the best possible outcome for all, in perfect ways.

The universe wants healing and love for us all. With every wound healed and vibration raised we are adding to the greater good of consciousness and evolution of our planet and our highest selves. Be SELFISH. Conjure only the best for yourselves with out compromise, or the need to control others. Allow the Universe to deliver it to you in perfect ways and know that you are loved.

Here is a brand new Abraham - Hicks you tube clip that I absolutely LOVE. Listen to it and do it every day!

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