Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Don't worry, its gets worse before it gets better... I promise.

I was just glancing back over some of my posts. Truthfully, most of them are just too painful to read. Who do I think I am anyways... Dido?
Then I realised that everyone has a letting go process. The trouble for me, and probably the reason this pain has dragged on so long is; I never had any intention of letting go at all. My intentions all along were to take a break, regroup, shake it off, learn some lessons in love and transform my relationship before the baby came. Because I am just that powerful...I can turn this around! The trouble of course is that two people need to be on that page, and when the other one has his head firmly planted up his ass, or as the case turned out, someone else's ass, it makes things a little more difficult. It turns out in fact that his head had been there since before I had ever left. Shocking right? I know. I just found that out last week. #shock#emotionaltrauma#setback
Let me tell you though shes a lucky girl... and she can have him 'cause this guy is a real catch, and its only the beginning of the things that I would find out that completely blew my mind.
I was reminded of a conversation I had years ago with a good friend who was a drug and alcohol recovery counselor. I was beginning to question what was happening to my marriage to Shawn's dad. Strange behavior, things not adding up, disappearing (including him) and this friend said to me, "Ade, whatever you think, or suspect, times that by ten and you probably are closer to the truth." Turns out my ex husband had been harboring a serious drug problem for 2 years, and the lying and manipulation was so good, I was beginning to think I was going crazy. It's kind of like that.

I am going to spend the next few posts probably bouncing around a bit.
I have to get you all caught up on the goings on over the past four months.
It will read somewhat like this #cheater#prematurebirth #Pax#breakandenter(yes again)#birthing #thief#Angels#liar#beautifulbaby#motherhood#deadbeat#mentalhealthissues(no... not mine)#emotionaltrauma#boxedredwine#faith#universalsupport#divinetiming#bestfriends##moreangels#adavanismyfriend#stealing#carchase#makingfriendswiththeex#awkward#morelying#truthrevealed#completefuckingshock
#setbacks#revenge#hindsight#healingsomemore#paternitydenial#court#support#homeformeandmyboys#together#hope#goodmaterialformyblog.

Have faith, dear readers. It may seem as though its all gone Pete Tong, but there have been more miracles than I can even count, and you will laugh and cry and cheer, and think to yourself once again "yikes, better her than me!" I promise.
"You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find.. you get what you need" -Mick

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