Thursday, March 7, 2013

Day 18, 19 drama filled nail biting and worth the wait blogging

Wow, OK a whirlwind few days.
Where to begin..
There is power in holding a vision, or an intention.
Even if we screw it up, or have temporary lapses of belief in the situation, and by lapse of belief I mean all immediate and obvious evidence shows that its all going to hell in a hand basket... when things start to turn, you just have to trust the process and give divine timing over to the Universe.

This is where using mantras such as the "Nam Myoho Renge Kyo" really comes in handy in a pinch.
I used it a lot over the last two days. Fear not, as there is always opportunity for recovery when you know the universe and your powerful intention have your back. Even if you think you have completely F'd it up.

After almost 3 months away, I finally felt strong enough, and ready to make my move. To go see Darren, face to face. I had finally surrendered control of the situation... and by surrendered control I mean... I got my power back. I no longer felt like a weeping heap of dung and I knew that no matter what, I was going to be fine, and the Universe would deliver me exactly where I needed to be... just then; I felt the universal nudge. It's important to tune yourself to those nudges. The universe always has the best, right and perfect timing to support your cause. When you feel the nudge, its time to take deliberate action.

I had arranged a meeting time at the house, I had my roust all set of needing to pack up my stuff to move and get some clothes, and my timing excuse of having a midwife appointment. What I really wanted however, was just to see him face to face in the hopes he would take one look and my and the big belly and crumble. I also knew that more than likely, before the crumbling... they could be chest pounding. And so I had another mantra, "No matter what he says, or what he does, I am enough" I think at that point I felt it was make it or break it. I have just over 12 weeks before this babe arrives and if I was ever going to get my family back then I needed to make my move or cut losses and move on.

I had been holding the vision and setting the stage pretty well. I was planting all my loving seeds of intention. I had given Darren lots of warning that I was coming and called when I got into town. I didn't get upset when I wasn't getting an overwhelming come hither response. In fact I got blocked from my initial meeting time, and I rescheduled without fuss... what I needed to remember was the other party was still operating from extreme hurt and fear and was totally stressed about seeing me and my bump for the first time in months.

I  was driving into Stanley Park after taking my beautiful son Shawn on a dinner and movie date. I dropped him back at my moms place and headed towards the north shore back to my friends Jane's house. It was about 930 pm and I knew Darren was working late with a big launch;, which is why our initial meeting time that day went south.  I was trying to decide if I should make a semi stalker-ish move and leave him a dream catcher that I made, with all the little beads representing him and me and all of the children. Cheesy I know... but whatevs. It was part of my "visioning" the outcome I wanted. My family and my man back together and healed and happy.

My "drive by" love ambush would require me to stay center lane and head west off the bridge to my/Darren's house, Jane's was a right lane east turn off the bridge. So I asked the universe and my angels to give me a sign as to which way I should go.. I don't know if any of you have ever asked for a "sign" but it can be VERY effective and entertaining. I took a solo trip last summer to Mt. Shasta Ca. for a summer solstice spiritual retreat, as I was driving down I5 in southern WA. I asked, "Give me a sign that this trip is going to be good for me" and just then, in the middle of a farmers field I look up and see a big sign nailed to a telephone pole that said "TRUST JESUS" I loved it! Confirmed.

 So just as I get into causeway, the outside right hand lane lights turns yellow and then red! The center lanes are the ones that switch to accommodate heavy traffic flow, not the outside lanes so I am already thinking "really?" as I am driving over crest of the bridge, a city works vehicle is cruising slowly in the right  hand lane with a GIANT yellow light arrow strobing to stay left. I couldn't believe it. My path had been marked in a giant yellow strobing arrow... stalker love ambush was go.

I drove up to house and felt the slight pang of disappointment he wasn't there, but decided to hang the dream catcher on the door and leave an email message as to what it represented, so he wouldn't think I was leaving some creepy curse thingy... because he is capable of that sort of negativity. I blame his mother; for everything.

I don't know about you, but this is where I usually start down the hill, and forget to stop peddling...
I get really focused on how I want things to go, and forget that the "how" is not my job.
HOW is not your job. {I just wanted to reiterate that point.} Your job is to set your intentions, follow the nudges, the signs and then act... completely letting go of HOW it will all go down in the end.
So I had created  all these expectations around how it all would go when I made my appearance. As I said before, expectations are the number on cause of disappointed

Every time we start to control the hows, the universal plan gets undermined and has to scramble to get things back on track, so expect delays. Especially when the universe is trying to line up multiple parties and really especially when one of the parties is being an obstinate bugger and will probably not be in thier "vortex" of love and hearing the nudges, and or just plain ignoring them...

OK, plot set. Tomorrow the dramatic conclusion of the first face to face...emphasis on drama... but fear not, alls well that ends well. The universe has my back :)

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