Saturday, March 9, 2013

Day 21 My early morning nightmare... verboding forshadowing of my day

This morning I had a horrible nightmare,
I dreamed that I had a heli-ski trip given to me, and I was beside myself excited.
I went to the place where I was meant to meet the group and I haven't got my skis... the trip is leaving..and I am an idiot who has just fucked up an awesome opportunity.

I am in a panic. Then, in a lucky twist, I am told that I can do a later group and so I go to get my skis..
Only, I can't find my vehicle, or my keys, or both and my second opportunity is now on its way out and what I thought was a lucky break has just become an agonizing exercise in bad luck, bad timing, plain old bad self sabotaging stupidity. In my dream I am crying my freaking eyes out when I finally wake up. I thought, shit, if this is what I am in for today... kill me now.

It's now five 530pm and let me tell you how my day went. My love left me hanging all day before he called to say that a game launch gone bad had squelched any hope of him coming up this weekend for a little bonding and possibly full blown snoggy reunion. Then I very nearly got fired for being stupid, (for the second time) thinking I was being funny...apparently some people think being funny is stupid, sometimes it is; especially when it almost gets you fired...that's all I will say about that... and I lost my Dog.

Sometimes these sorts of days happen. They happen to me a lot lately. I have observed that the more I tune myself to frequencies of my inner world, the less I am able to fake it in my 3D world. The higher I tune my frequency to my intentions, and by tune my frequency I mean focused attention and emotions; and the universal timing has not quite given the green light {usually because it's got a better plan or version than our pea brains could fathom} the better the odds I will over shoot the target, and ultimately hit myself in the foot. Let's face it, we are all in the process of learning the laws of attraction and how to yield and wield our creative powers. We are infants learning to walk in consciousness... we need to go easy and lay off the peddles.

Where did it all go wrong? This mounting and building emotion that is calling me to make my way home before this baby comes is causing my point of attraction to start creating potential circumstances for that happening, any way it can... danger zone. I need this job, and its a good job for me right now in a lot of ways... getting canned would not be cool, even if it did get me a one way ticket to my beloveds doorstep and although I am sure I would not be turned away; its not how I want things to go down.

All week long with Darren and I, things have been hit and miss. When things aren't unfolding or going your way, there are elements that are either still in the process of aligning, and or things that are moving out of your alignment. These periods of focused intention and deliberate creation with all 3D moving parts in flux can look like chaos if we don't back off a bit and go general...another good example of that was my door crashing ambush to "pack my things" that ended in a firey wreckage and one garden buddha casualty.

Going general looks like this: I know I kind of screwed up at work, my strong emotions and restlessness are really stirring things up and that's OK, because it always works out in the end.
Or: I was disappointed that Darren couldn't make it up this weekend, but at least I got him to tell me he loves me... even though it was coerced. He still said it. Maybe the timing is just a day or two off and things will go even better if I just back up and allow it to unfold. Or even more general: Today didn't go so well, but that's OK; I found the dog. Or when shit really hits the fan: I don't have to think about this stuff right now...doesn't matter I don't have the answers right now.
Now that last one may sound like a bold faced pile of denial... good. You cant solve any issues from outside of the vortex of well being, and you cant get into the vortex by focusing on your issues. So get off the subject and go general until you feel good, and then peek again; if the vortex spits you out, just repeat the process.


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