Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Day 8 Navigating Intention and confliction

Sometimes this shit gets tricky.
Yesterday I wrote an empowering post regarding my new found clarity and letting go of my relationship and surrendering to the fact that I just can't control this situation, and what the feck, I'm probably better off with out the jerk father of my unborn child... and I can create this new awesome version of my life on my own, manifesting everything I need and aren't I fecking awesome and inspiring!

And so, the universe and law of attraction responds.. as it always does, that yes, I CAN do this...
But there is a rub in there.. be careful what you wish for.

So yesterday I get a message from a beautiful new mother, whom I have never met; who read my blog and took pity on me, and graciously and generously offered to give me 2 whole boxes of super awesome boy clothes for the first 0-6  months! I will need to buy nothing! Yay!! And so I go over to her place to pick them up and coo at her new baby, and she says "by the way, I read that you wanted to do hypno-birthing.. well I have the home study version, you can use it." I was stunned. What are the odds, that I would just one day ago, come to terms with the fact that Darren was not going to show up for hypno-babies class that I had deliberately registered for 5 minutes from our his house, but and had just been sent my deposit back, {because I basically called the educator and tearfully told her I was just not ready to sit in a roomful of happy expectant hypno-couples, as a single.} And presto bingo, I have the home study kit to do it myself. Well, I am so happy I just want to shit.  Only I don't.

Again, the glaring truth of my reality hits. We tried for 18 months to conceive this baby, and I have these dreams of a beautiful and intimate birth experience with the man I created this life with, and he isn't wanting to be there. Or he is just too hurt and mad at me to even process whats happened, or he has run off with someone new... I have no fecking idea, but my hunch is that its door number two. And so  I feel completely conflicted. There is a part of me, that doesn't want to let go of the possibility that I could manifest a complete transformation of my relationship with him and have the love and the birth of our son that my heart is longing for; if I just shift something in me. It's so easy, when there is no one else who needs to be a match to the experience I am wanting. How do I hold two conflicting intentions in my vibration. How do I turn away from something I really really want and start to get into alignment with my second choice reality. It's a conundrum.

I want healing and transformation for Darren, me and our relationship. I don't want a life on my own. I want my own life, and to be me, and to feel free and empowered within my relationship, but his expectations of me had me feeling the opposite. I want him to see me and love everything about me.
And want me to be happy, and fulfilled and for him to take care of me and our child the way a man should, when I need it, and be my biggest chearleader me when I don't.

"Do you seek rule, supremacy, and sway when you are bound to serve, love and obey?"- Shakespeare
That is a heavy and poignant questions; to blend the two would be powerful, and empowering.
As a couple, we would rule supreme.

So here is my plan of attraction on this subject:

And listen to this video from Abraham-Hicks on fighting in relationships, I love this shit:
Alex this ones for you ;)

I will be the woman in that relationship now. Empowered, clear, fulfilled or out of that relationship is irrelevant to the laws of attraction. I am going to feel the way I want to feel in the relationship now and the relationship and he, will line up, or something or someone else will. I will never manifest the relationship I want, focused on the lack of it, or his inadequacy. I will to go to bed every night and image what it would feel like to be in the relationship that I know is possible for us. I can only hold a vision of the version of him I would like to have in my life. AND I am still totally in alignment with my perfect home, and moving back to the city and having more than enough income, I will just get more general in the details..and I dont have to fear about one canceling out the other, because the universe will align for me the best possible outcome.
 It's trickery, I know. But its worth a shot.

{Going general on something that is a hot topic is a really powerful way to bring yourself back into alignment, so I will go into that more later, with the help of Ester and Abraham I am sure.}

So, the strategy...because I have lots of moments where I am still too mad and sad, and I have to clear the wanting of the relationship I don't have. Its not enough to will myself, my subconcious has to have some buy-in...I'm going to tap (EFT) daily for several rounds a day with this:

Set up on karate chop point:

Even though I am not a vibrational match to the relationship I am wanting and I feel really sad that I am separated from the one I am wanting, I deeply love and forgive myself and him.

Tap on all points: I feel really sad that I am separated from the relationship I want, and the love I know is possible for me. I am really hurt and angry that Darren is not lining up vibrationally with my perfect match right now, I really want him to. I want him to love me the way I know I deserve to me loved. It really pisses me off that he doesn't see me in the way I want him to, or value me in the way I want him to. (Tapping several rounds here) And that he is not here in my life, sharing our pregnancy.

(Deep breath)

Karate chop point:

Even though we are clearly not in a vibrational match right now, I love and forgive myself. And I love and forgive him and am choosing to only think of him in my highest most awesome version of him I can. I send him the highest love, light and hope for us.

All points:

 I know we both deserve the highest version of love available and all I have to do is get myself to align with it. I cant change his alignment but I can change mine. I am choosing to believe that miracles are possible that the healing and vibration shift our love needs to grow, is done and waiting for me to line up with it. I am holding the perfect vision of a perfect birth and that our baby will bring us closer together than ever before.

Here is my friend Krista-Jane empowerment and transformation guru from down under; giving a demonstration on tapping

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